By Dawn De Busk

Staff Writer

The three women walked into each business in Bridgton, and proudly introduced themselves, saying they had been victims of domestic abuse — for decades, in marriages that on the surface appeared happy.

Their objective was to ask if the business-owner or store manager would agree to put up a huge banner,in a window with a very public view for at least a month to increase awareness about domestic violence.  

The women were not shunned or silenced or turned away. 

In fact, business-owners welcomed them, applauded their cause, and many agreed to put up the posters. 

The women — Patrisha McLean, of Camden and Jeannine Lauber Oren, of Casco, and Mary Lou Smith, of Scarborough, have vastly improved their lives after leaving abusive partners. And, they are not being silent about it. They are shedding the labelof victim. They call themselves ‘survivor warriors.’ 

Smith taught first grade in Raymond for years; and at the age of 65, she left her husband, saying it’s never too late.  

McLean, the former wife of Mainer Don McLean whose claim to fame is the song ‘American Pie,’ is the founder of findingourvoices.net. Finding the strength to speak out was not always easy, she said.  

“In the beginning, I did feel self-conscious Now, we are standing proud and speaking loud. There is nothing to hide,” McLean said. 

A RECEPTIVE AUDIENCE

The current environment is such that people are more open-minded to hearing about domestic violence.  

“I think people are hearing more about domestic abuse. Maybe, they heard about it in the news. Domestic violence increased during COVID. So, there’s a lot of awareness now. People understand it is a big issue impacting their neighbors, their family, themselves, and they want to do something about it. That is what makes it easier to say that I was involved in an abusive relationship. As I go around, I hear from so many women who have gone through it, but don’t feel comfortable speaking out.”

“When I say it, I have hundreds of women behind me. Not everyone can speak out. When we went into Reny’s [or another business] we speak out for all the women,” McLean said. 

The current goal of the women involved with Finding Our Voices is a campaign to display the banners in the windows of businesses for at least a month. The 20” x 34” banners, each features one of 35  Maine survivor of domestic abuse aged 18 to 81, with photo and part of her story.

So far, around the Pine Tree State, more than 1,600 banners have been displayed. In the Lake Region, 30 banners went up in windows in Bridgton, Naples, Casco, Raymond and Windham.

The Umbrella Factory Supermarket will have four banners in its windows during a time when the foot traffic is incredible. 

“Dave [Allenson, the owner of UFS] is such a passionate advocate for our cause that he asked for four banners, and said he was going to keep them up all summer long,” Oren said. 

On Wednesday, the women walked down Main Street in Bridgton and started the discussions with the local people who operate businesses here. 

“It’s really unbelievable what is happening. The Lake Region — this is their time. It’s the summer season. It is post COVID; everyone is coming out again. It’s the height of the tourist season I cannot believe how many in Bridgton were willing to stop tending to their customers and support our cause,” McLean said. 

“They were warm. They were welcoming, supportive and receptive,” she said.  

“At Bridgton books, he [owner Justin Ward] left the cash register to help us. Ever single place was busy and had customers, but the people took time out to listen, express compassion. Then, they gave up 20 by 34 inches of window space for at least a month,” 

VALIDATION FROM THE PUBLIC 

“Many people, men and women, said it was important what we were doing and they were glad to be a part of it. All ages of people were telling us that this is important,” McLean said. “It makes me very hopeful because it validates what we are doing. We are doing the right thing. We are on the right track.” 

“After that visit, we are doubling down. Next, is Augusta, Bangor and Portland at a much accelerated schedule,” she said. 

In Bridgton, some of the business that are participating by putting up posters in windows include: Chalmers Insurance Group, Bridgton Books, Running with Scissors Hair Salon, Oberg’s Insurance, Bridgton House of Pizza, Saco Bay Orthopedic and Sports Therapy, and  Ricky’s Diner.

The group delivered bookmarks to the Bridgton Public Library and the Naples Public Library.

Other businesses in the Lake Region area that are participating in the banner campaigns are: Lilies at Watkins Flowers and Simplicity Hair Salon both in Casco; Mills & Company in Windham; Excel Nail Salon in Windham; and the following business located in Raymond: Angel’s Nails, Maggie’s Hair Salon, Prime Cut Meat Market, Loyal Companion and Paris Farmer’s Union.

“It makes it easier when you come to a place like Bridgton to be so welcomed and have the banner campaign be such a success. I made a more than two-hour drive from Camden, with 35 banners in the trunk of my car, and it was an hour-plus drive for Mary Lou who is 81. I was wondering if the banners would go up in windows or if I would return home with some. Every single one was placed. It was beautiful,” McLean said. 

ABUSE IS ABUSE

Now and then, as the group from Finding Our Voices was approaching people about putting up poster in the window, someone would say they had an intimate partner who was verbally cruel. In the same breath, the person says it is not really abuse because it wasn’t physical or because they never were hit. 

“That happens a lot,” McLean said. “A woman will say to me, ‘It was just emotional abuse. It wasn’t physical.’ They minimize it. One of the 35 women on the banners, Lindsay, says ‘It was emotional abuse every day.’ Another, Chrsitine says, ‘He didn’t hurt my physically, but he tortured me psychologically.’ 

McLean  stresses that abuse – emotional as well as physical — is abuse.

“We think of the domestic violence victim as a women with black eye. I didn’t think I was a victim of abuse because I didn’t have a black eye,” she said. “The perpetrator minimizes it. He tells the person it is not as bad as it is. When a woman says that, she is also minimizing what she endured. There are a lot of kinds of domestic abuse, including emotional, sexual and financial. It is always devastating.”

Also, there is a misunderstanding that the victim is at fault because he or she does not leave the relationship. People on the outside say, Why don’t you leave?

“It is not going to be easy. Abusers don’t like to let go of control. If you manage to get on the other side of it like I did, like Jeannine did, like Mary Lou did, and like all 35 women on our banners did, there is a brighter life,” McLean said.

“We provide hope to the women who are trapped in domestic abuse and feel there is no chance of escape. It is dangerous, but you canwalk out the door, with the help that is out there from family, friends, various agencies. There is help out there, for you and for your children. Access the help and start living.”

To seek help with an intimate relationship that you suspect is abusive or to find out more about domestic violence, check out the website for the non-profit foundation 

findingourvoices.netIn addition to hearing the video-taped stories of real people, it is possible to subscribe to founder Patrisha McLean’s Finding Our Voices Pod cast episodes. E-mail private messages to McLean directly, hello@findingourvoices.net

Other resources, which are not affiliated with Finding Our Voices in Maine, include: 

Through These Doors in Bridgton, 230 Main St., (207) 647-8501 

Through These Doors 24 hours helpline, 1-800-537-6066 

Maine Domestic Abuse helpline: 1-866-834-HELP